Do you balk at this word like I do?
Does it sound like defeat?
I didn’t pick this word to be my word of the year for 2019. I picked the words: Express YOUrself. Doesn’t that sound empowering? Trendy? Fun? And about time? Yes.
By the second week of January I knew that ‘Surrender‘ would be my year theme. Things were happening whether I liked them or not. I had no control over these externals – it was simply life happening, unfolding in front of me. Did I like this? No. I actually nicknamed it: my just fu** it year. My expectations flew out the window and I settled in for what would come. I probably pouted some ( I mean really, is it ever going to be my turn – What about me – etc…???).
Then, like the serendipity of the Pied Piper, ‘surrender‘ messages invited me into a merry little dance. My choice, would I dance? Or would I fight the flow?
I recalled the words of Jesus, “For if you want to save your own life, you will lose it; but if you lose your life for me and for the gospel, you will save it.” (Mark 8:35) aka Surrender…
I turned on a Tony Robbins podcast. He was interviewing Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul. This book has sat on my to read list for over a year. The theme is surrender.
I read Richard Rohr’s daily meditation. January 12 was titled Awe and Surrender. This quote: “The spiritual journey is a constant interplay between moments of awe followed by a process of surrender to that moment.”
Years ago I read a book called Surrender to Motherhood. It helped me transition from childless to mother. I am eternally thankful.
Really – what do I truly have control over anyway? My own choices. What I do. What I say. How I react. What I think. How I feel. How I respond. What I choose. Who I am. Who I want to be. How I love.
I am completely seeing a theme here. My life is at this beautiful place that requires both my surrender AND my participation to Be Here Now.
Slowly, the goodness and familiarity of living life without all my expectations and judgements is seeping back in. Sigh.
A sacred space is opening back up deep inside me. I am breathing in life. I am here.
This opening isn’t necessarily about anything I expect to receive or come to me. It is more about allowing goodness to flow through me. It is internal and eternal instead of external.
I AM now JOYOUSLY anticipating each day of my SuRrendEr journey.
I AM SURRENDERING.
It is good.